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Should Britain leave Europe or should Europe Leave Britain?

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Oli C
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PostSubject: Should Britain leave Europe or should Europe Leave Britain? Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:38 am

Is Britain really part of Europe?

Geographically it's a no brainer but are we really European in our mentality or do we owe far more to our friends across the pond in terms of how we approach and live our lives?

The vast difference between Britons and their European counterparts can be summarised in one word:

Lunch.

Forget about politics policies and pretentious PM's for a moment and lets just consider the topic of food.

The other day I was in my local shopping centre at about 2pm and I began to feel a little peckish. What could I grab to eat? What culinary delights could I buy to tickle and tantalise my tastebuds?

I passed McDonald's. Perhaps a Big Mac, loaded with calories and fat, some fries made with powdered potato extract on the side, a milkshake without any milk in it, and the added free bonus gift of the shits later? Nah I thought to myself. I might have things to do this afternoon so I can't risk being chained to the porcelain God for an hour or so. So I kept walking...

I passed Subway. Maybe a 6 inch cheese and steak melt, made with 100% real processed artificial American cheese, tiny slivers of steak that have long since passed the point of being cooked to well done, and some chipotle sauce that is about as authenticly mexican as Taco Bell, all put together by a Polish immigrant on minimum wage who has no problem letting you know by their demeanor that they would rather be back in Poland working as a prostitute than stuck here rotting away in this hellhole. I kept walking...

Aha! Pizza! You can't go wrong with Pizza. Unless you're the CEO of either Dominoes, Papa John's, or Pizza Hut. The crimes these people have committed to Pizza outweigh those of the Jews to Jesus Christ. Jesus Wept. Well he would have if anyone had ever served him a chicken tikka pizza stuffed hotdog crust with BBQ sauce and jalapeno pizza.

I was running out of options...

Chicken. Everyones friend. Everybody likes chicken because, well, it's chicken. So how about chicken? I passed KFC. How about a tower burger made with real 100% deep fried to coronary perfection chicken from only the finest genetically modified livestock slaughtered in accordance with strict Halal laws, and coated in the Colonel's "secret," recipe kept secret because any publication of it would probably result in a class action lawsuit, topped with processed cheese, a hash brown, some nachos (wtf?! Seriously...nachos??) and slatherings of a very suspicious "white" sauce served to me by an asian smiling far far faaaar too much for my liking.

I ended up going home hungry.

Now had I been anywhere in Europe, be it Greece, Turkey, Spain, Italy, France, Germany or literally wherever the choices of lunch would have been a myriad of gastronomic excellence. A croque monsieur, or freshly prepared tapas, or a bowl of tagliatelle bolognese, or bratwurst, or a selection of mezes; the list is endless.

And it doesn't just stop with food. Even something as simple as coffee has been tinkered and twisted beyond all recognition. Ask an average person in Britain how does one qualify as a barista and he'll look at you with the confused expression of a donkey in the starting lineup of the Grand National. That's because Britain has no need for baristas. Britain only needs early school leavers who are able to follow step by step instructions to operate the machine that magically produces a double shot chocolato decaff mocha triple latte.

Should Britain leave Europe? Perhaps it's more a case of should Europe leave Britain.
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Storm
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PostSubject: Re: Should Britain leave Europe or should Europe Leave Britain? Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:40 am

Brilliant Oli ... You could have to a pub for deep fried...deep fried..micro ding dong...Nah, sorry...being silly :-)

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